I did’t feel like praying yesterday. I was dragging my feet going in. I sat on the couch and pouted a bit, thinking about how I wanted, or I should say, needed to pray. My spirit was sleepy, had “a headache”, and was “not in the mood”. I realized this and so knew that I needed to arouse my spirit with a little bit of, (can I even say it?) spiritual “foreplay”. So I said “Hey Google. Play Kari Jobe, My Beloved” Gateway Worship Voices. As I sat there trying to soak in the truths of the song I was having a hard time focusing as my body was restless from lack of exercise. I knew my spirit needed more than the music and so I got out my yoga mat and started worshiping not only with my mind but with my body as well. When I do yoga I don’t just do yoga, not anymore anyway. I move and stretch my body to the worship music and let the words and the music sink deep into my being. As I bow down in a child’s pose or other similar poses I try and move my heart with my mind into worship by actually saying “I bow down before you Lord and I worship you laying all that I have at Your feet”. As I do any heart opener poses I consciously open my heart to the Lord to give Him all that I am and to receive all that He is into me. I am in essence arousing, which means to awaken, my spirit. Well it worked. About 20 minutes into praying in this way my spirit woke up and was hungry, thirsty, and full of all kinds of desires for intimacy and union with the Lord. As I was moving on my yoga mat truths began to descend from my head to my heart like lighting bolts descending from heaven to the earth and the Lord opened up the eyes of my understanding with regards to the process I am writing about now.
The spiritual journey is a journey from the head to the heart. I have heard this many times before but what does it actually mean? It was only information in my mind so I had to just have faith that it was true and hope and trust that the Lord would make it happen to me. Well He is making it happen to me. All the truths and knowledge that are in my mind are one by one descending to my heart and becoming en-fleshed. For my whole life I have filled my head with knowledge. I have read so many books on Catholicism, the Saints, the spiritual life, faith and morals, etc. My thirst for knowledge was and is still is insatiable. Then at the beginning of the year I got to the point in my life where I was so sick of everything Declutter Your Life!!. I fairly quickly got rid of everything in my life that was not of God or in His will for me. In essence I emptied my heart. As soon as my heart was emptied of the things of the world all the knowledge in my head started descending into my heart and transforming my soul. So a head full of knowledge and an empty heart are both as equally important in the spiritual journey. You have to know the truth in your mind first and then it can move to the heart once the heart is empty.
But, you may ask (just as I did), how does this process happen? Well it happens in prayer and more specifically contemplative prayer and the prayer of union. It occurs when true union and intimacy with the Lord happens. Well how does this take place? Ultimately it is the Lord who makes it come about but we do play a part. Our part is what I already described above. We have to make time for prayer even though we are busy. We have to show up to pray even when we don’t want to. We have to get on our yoga mat and pray with our entire being so that our spirits will awaken in us (this is why when you pray you go into your bedroom and close the door because true prayer is intimate and private). Then we have to trust the Lord will do the rest. We need to trust that when He pulls our spirits to Himself it is Him doing it. We have to trust when nothing happens that is visible to us something is still happening. We just need to trust!!
You may also ask, how do I arouse my spirit? Well, it will be somewhat different for everyone but only slightly. For me what arouses my spirit is different from day to day although I know what I like. My spirit likes praise and worship music, singing, reading spiritual books, worshiping with my whole being on my yoga mat, looking at religious statues and pictures, writing/journaling, being in nature, the Eucharist, etc. Others may find that their spirit awakens when they paint, write music, run, and so on. I’m noticing more and more that I can stimulate my spirit throughout the day when the need arises by turning my thoughts to the Lord, calling out to Him, reading a bible scripture, or speaking truth. The more my spirit gets turned on regularly the more it comes to arousal quickly and more consistently. So when the need arises I will stir up my spirit and truth will begin to descend to my heart and I will have the wisdom to know what to do in a certain situation. Like when the Lord revealed the truth about My Daughter’s First Dance Part 1 and My Daughter’s First Dance Part 2.
Once a truth has descended it is no longer known just by faith but it is known by sight. The knowledge and wisdom received in this state reaches deep and wide. Everything becomes clear, the veil lifts. We are living in the kingdom of heaven. We have is essence descended into heaven, which is within each and every person. When we actually leave this earth and are in heaven the veil will be completely lifted and all truths that we know by faith in this world will be known by faith no longer. They will be known by sight. Our spiritual life is a series of veil lifting’s until there are no more veils to lift and we see clearly. And once we see something clearly we no longer speak of it as a teaching from a saint or from the Church. We own the truth. It becomes ours. I have noticed that when a truth is still just in my head I tell others about it by quoting a saint, or the Church, or the bible. Once the truth descends to the heart I start speaking about it as if it`s my own. No saint and not even the Church can own the truth of God. It belongs to all of us and becomes all of us. This change occurs so that we can speak about God and Truth with authority. We become the Truth and so speak from our own hearts not from what we have learned in books.
About one hour into prayer, after many truths descended, I lay on my yoga mat full of the Holy Spirit. My spirit was on fire, vibrating within me, screaming out to the Lord for spiritual intercourse, (spiritual communion, connection, intimacy, and love). I rested in the Lord and He pulled my spirit to Himself and then flooded my soul with Himself. Over and over again He did this. Oh the peace and love that is experienced in this state of union is indescribable!! It is delectable!! This spiritual union came to its climax and the Lord impregnated my soul with new life, with His life and it will continue to grow until maturation. Until my soul is ready to be birthed into heaven where I will see the Lord face to face in all His fullness and glory. This is what I set my eyes on. I have a long way to go. Their are many areas in my life that are so disordered. Over time the Lord will reorder these areas and I will once again become pure. Just as I was after my baptism until the age of 5 when sin and disorder entered my life THE STORY OF MY LIFE.
I often try to rush the Lord and want all things revealed to me and ordered in my life right now. The Lord keeps gently reminding me that it would be too much all at once and therefore I must be patient and trust in Jesus. If I saw God right now how I am I would not survive it. It would be too much to handle. I would have to turn away from God and choose purgatory so all that is disordered in me could be ordered. Only then would I be able to stand before God and enter into His glory. My hope and prayer is that I live a long life so that all things disordered in me can become ordered. The Lord will take my brokenness and put me back together with His glory shinning through. He will be the light who shines through the cracks of my brokenness. He will be the love that holds me together and the love that I will love others with. I will be like a broken vase held together by gold and will be even more beautiful then I was before I was broken. The more and more I descend into heaven in myself the more and more I will be ready to enter the Beatific Vision as I pass from this world and am born into the next. I trust that this will happen. Jesus, I trust in You. Amen
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