Well I’m Catholic and I am going to talk about sex. Sex within marriage that is as I truly believe that’s the only place sex can safely happen. With that said I am not here to judge or condemn but to share my own experiences of sex within my marriage. I hear all the time from Christian married woman that after years of being married and several children later sex is no longer a priority and so it happens rarely, if ever. This is where I was in my marriage between year’s four and nine and these were the darkest and hardest years of my marriage. My husband and I were having sex every two to three months if that and it was not enjoyable, not for me anyways. There were many reasons for this all of which came from direct sin or consequences of sin. The Lord had a lot of healing to do in me. Healing of sexual trauma from my childhood, promiscuity before marriage and exposure to pornography before my marriage and within my marriage. All these sins and the effects of these sins in my life were getting in the way of all God had in store for our sex life. On top of this were the effects of gluttony and sloth. You see sex is not that comfortable or fun when you are almost 300 pounds, which I was. I’m now 150 pounds so simply on a physical level sex is much better. But I’m not just talking about sex on a physical level am I?
In the past 2 years God has taken my husband and I on a journey from purely physical sex to making love on a deep emotional, psychological, and yes even on a spiritual level. I never thought it was possible because Catholics don’t talk about sex or at least the ones I know never did. The depths of intimacy that is possible during foreplay and sex is mind blowing really. I don’t want to go into too much detail as the marital bed is sacred and so should be kept somewhat hidden but it does need to be talked about because it is so important. Pornography is so wrong and damaging because it doesn’t show enough! It’s all physical and about self pleasure. Marital sex can be so much more! It’s the giving of ourselves to our spouse selflessly just like Jesus gave Himself to us selflessly. Our bodies are united during sex but so are our souls. When the Holy Spirit is invited into the marital bed and at the moment of orgasm (especially if partners can orgasm together) our souls become one and with the Holy Spirit we become a reflection of the Holy Trinity. And out of this union, this love, new life is created. New life within the marriage and new life within the womb. You see love and unity creates life! This is also what happens when our souls unite with the Holy Spirit. He impregnates us with Himself and out of this love union new life is born within our souls and we develop and grow until we become Christ Himself.
Make time for your spouse! It is so important! Every couple of weeks Rob and I make a whole afternoon of connection and love making time. We prepare ourselves, light candles, talk, play cards, put on music, have a couple glasses of wine and then, well you know the rest… One important thing to note is that we spend more time in foreplay than actual sex. If you count the prep time (showering, setting things up, etc.), talking, and playing cards as foreplay, which I do, then we spend about 3 hours in foreplay and about 30 minutes of actual intercourse. The Lord has revealed to me as well that this is only the tip of the iceberg. As we both grow in holiness together and individually our sex life will become increasingly more deep, fulfilling, intimate and life giving. So sex at 70 watch out!!
So ask yourself the following:
Are my spouse and I satisfied with our sex life?
Do you believe sex in marriage can be holy, beautiful and absolutely life changingly powerful? Do you want this? What is getting in the way?
When was the last time you were truly present during love making with your spouse? I have a present for you!!
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